Parenthood: The Other Side
by Werewolf of Fire
Summary: Jiraiya and Orochimaru hadn't known what they were in for when they first stepped into this battlefield.
1. In the Beginning

**Disclaimer:** Simply put... All the original characters and the original series plot belong to Masashi Kishimoto, and I make no money off this. The OCs, however, belong to me, as does whatever plot that shines through.

_Warnings: _Shounen ai, AU, OOCness (as I have limited knowledge on all of the characters involved - most of it's from other fanfiction and the tid bits I've read off wikipedia), swearing. Other than that, all spelling/grammatical errors are my own. If you spot any, mention them and I will fix them.

* * *

**Parenthood: The Other Side**

**In the Beginning**

Heavy feet plodded up the stairs of the cramped apartment, making the man's movements seem more like a limping cow's than an skilled shinobi's. The ash grey, carpetted floor creaked under his slow steps, his bedroom door whining as he opened it, baring his bed - his big, soft, _glorius _bed - to his tired eyes. If he'd had the energy, Jiraiya would have thrown his hands in the air and given a _whoop!_ in celebration.

The bedroom was the smaller of the two in the apartment. It barely managed to hold the set of oak drawers, the small wardrobe, desk and queen sized bed (_his _bed) in the confined space. There was a long window carved through the middle of the northern wall, above the bed's head, the thin, cream curtains swinging with each push of the slight breeze blowing into the room.

Jiraiya closed the door with a quiet bang, slapped on the light and yawned into his hand as he moved into the room at a snail's pace, dragging his large feet. The white haired man weakly pulled off his clothes, not bothering with a shower or folding them (Orochimaru would bitch at him for it later, no doubt, but he was beyond the point of being able to care). He dropped his clothes where he stood, yawned hugely, again, like a lazy lion, and fell onto the bed.

He let out a heavy, grateful sigh as he sprawled himself across it, his left hand hanging off the opposite side as his right threw itself across his plush pillow: His bed. His lovely, precious bed. Oh, he'd been looking forward to seeing it again since that morning, to feeling it underneith him.

Jiraiya felt he hadn't done anything useful all day and that hadn't been how he'd pictured his day off! He was supposed to have been writing his new novel (Icha Icha Paradise - he had another three months until his editor wanted it; he needed to concentrate on it whenever he could!), but _nooo _he'd been babysitting six demon children who seemed to get a kick out of torturing his wilted soul.

He groaned, as he shifted slightly. There was just one positive point to his tiring, wasted day: Jiraiya was another day closer to being rid of the little shits - at least when it came to his home. Just another 13 years, 10 months and eight days (fewer, if the monsters decided they wanted to move out before they were 18) until he was free of them all! Until he and Orochimaru could have sex at all hours of the day (and night) without having to worry about being interrupted!

It took a great amount of effort for Jiraiya to pull himself completely onto his savior, so that his knees weren't being jammed painfully into the edge of the walnut wood holding up his mattress. He sighed as he, like a worm, wiggled to get comfortable. A moment later he slumped completely against the mattress, it's tight coils twoinging softly in the silence.

In the beginning, they were supposed to stop at one. And they certainly hadn't planned to bring home souvenirs in the form of little humans, when they went on their sensei's ordered holiday (supposedly they hadn't had a proper 'honeymoon' yet, but _damn it_! Jiraiya hadn't married the bastard!). But somewhere between their travels between the Land of Water and the Land of Wind, Jiraiya found his well earned money rushing away from his very slender wallet so he could help support not just Kabuto, but Kimimaro, Sakon and Ukon as well. They'd had seven, at his last count (six, if he skipped over Ukon, because really, the boy near lived inside his brother anyway).

The ninja felt his mind go fuzzy, so very near sleep, but still teetering on the edge of conciousness.

Jiraiya hadn't seen kids in his future. Especially after he'd 'married' Orochimaru, the night they'd celebrated his and the bastard's moving in together (Tsunade was sticking to her story; she'd said they'd had a small ceremony - even managing to drag their tipsy sensei in to act as a second witness. Jiraiya thought it was complete bull; for her to have been sober enough to remember and Orochimaru to have not was impossible; the guy was able to keep drinking and drinking, and not suffer from anything worse than a slur lining his eloquent words. The fact that they'd both awoken the next morning with a white ribbon tied around their wrists was a complete coincidence!). They were both guys, and ninja to boot! He and Orochimaru were on missions more than they were at home. Why would he have planned to raise _any _kids? Especially since Orochimaru was his partner (the man's patience with _obnoxious _children was nil on a good day and considering all of their children were _obnoxious, _Jiraiya hadn't a clue as to how they'd managed to survive).

How his life had come to be caused a wave of irritation to wash over the ninja. And it wasn't because the kids they had were overly troublesome (which they were, but that was beside the point), nor that they were in _any_ danger living with two jounin with neuroses that were a cause for worry in their and the communities' mind (which they were, but, again, that was beside the point).

The jounin didn't know who to blame for it all, because really, this wasn't his fault. Well, at least, not completely. All he'd done was play the unfortunate baby sitter that got roped into feeding the little bastards, whilst his _wife _(if they really were married, Jiraiya would burn his own porn before he was called a woman - Orochimaru looked like one. It fit.) brought new ones home.

Orochimaru was his key suspect. It was directly his fault they'd 'adopted' as many as they had. Him and his "Jiraiya, you_ will _let me bring them home, or you _will _regret it", or his excited "but look at their capabilities! They would serve the village well one day!". Sometimes Jiraiya wondered if Orochimaru really was as affectionate of the brats as he made himself out to be, or if it was their unique abilities alone that peaked his interest enough for him to have kept them around... The guy did have a lot to examine, like in Kidoumaru's case: six arms and salivation glands that seemed to work so well the kid woke up stuck to his pillow every morning. Either way, it hadn't been on their holiday plan to return with souvineers in the shape of six small children.

Tsunade was also a favourite suspect of his, his second to blame for his home's current inhabitants. Jiraiya blamed her for introducing Orochimaru to his maternal instincts. It was her who'd been attempting (without much success) to calm a bawling Kabuto when she met with them in Konoha Hospital's staff room. It was her who'd given the kid to Orochimaru whilst she changed. It was her who'd suggested Orochimaru take the brat home after witnessing two hours of silence from the baby that hadn't stopped crying since the hospital had taken him in (supposedly there'd been a raid on one of the merchant's well known stopping points a few kilometres away from the village; Kabuto's family had been slaughtered).

Jiraiya shifted slightly, sliding his arm under the pillow and under his head. He grumbled nonsensically. Before drifting into that darkness before sleep he'd come to enjoy wading in.

Jiraiya hadn't liked the kid (and still didn't - he had a feeling Kabuto was out to get him - and not just like the other kids either, no, he was sure he was in danger of losing his most precious possessions to that little bastard). Sure he'd been cute, in a rolly polly, stink and puke type of way... But the way they'd both been entranced with each other (the kid seemed to love Orochimaru's hair - something only he had ever gotten to touch with Orochimaru's knowledge - whilst Orochimaru seemed completely taken by Kabuto's existance, hardly breaking eye contact for more than a second); it had been terribly annoying and somewhat insulting. Especially when he'd been set on dragging the smaller shinobi into bed early that night.

Jiraiya barely heard the door opening and closing with a soft click from behind him. He numbly acknowledged the soft whisper of clothes as they were picked up off the floor and was woken by the sudden appearance of fingers sliding across his bare bum and into the crease lining the centre, and the simultaneous sinking of his side of the bed.

"Hey, hey," He mumbled groggily, as he sent a useless, bleary eyed glare over his right shoulder, "Get your fingers away from there."

Orochimaru smirked at him, "You're showing off half your ass. And as nice as you may think it is, it wouldn't do well for you if any of the children walked in and saw it."

With a tug and a snap, his crimson underwear was put in its proper place.

Jiraiya yawned and buried his face in his pillow, "Just get in bed. I'm beat."

He peeked out from the soft material a moment later, as the dark haired man moved away from the bed. Jiraiya watched with wrapt interest, his eyes half closed, but not any less appreciative, as pale skin was bared for him. First Orochimaru pulled off his uniform jacket, shirt and finally his pants. The snake's underwear was black, contrasting mightily with his ashened skin, though not unpleasantly, in Jiraiya's expert opinion.

Jiraiya grinned lewdly, "I think your underwear's creeping up, come here and I'll fix it."

Orochimaru shot him a look of annoyance from over his shoulder, his golden eyes as sharp as kunai.

"Jiraiya," He said flatly, "There are children in the next room."

He very near pouted, "But you got to do mine!"

The snake shinobi simply shook his head as he pulled on his deep purple pjyama pants.

"You're worse than a child." He admonished.

Jiraiya chuckled and rolled onto his back, scratching at his flat, muscled belly as he watched Orochimaru throw his and Jiraiya's clothes into the reed basket behind the door. The man puttered around the room for a minute, pulling out the clothes he'd be wearing the following day - his uniform - before he planted himself in front of their drawers again.

"You obviously don't spend enough time with the kids." Jiraiya said as Orochimaru tugged a brush through his shimmering, inky hair and placed it on top of the simple drawers, his thin fingers continuing to glide through it as he pulled it to the side of his face and over his shoulders.

The slender man near glided to the bed, before Orochimaru tugged at the sheets beneath him, slipping under them like the slippery snake he was. He rolled onto his left side and propped his head up, staring at Jiraiya imploringly.

"Oh?" He uttered with a self-satisfied smirk.

Jiraiya sunk his fingers into his hair, massaging at his scalp, "Little bastards... I haven't had time to rest or work on my book all day! Breakfast was alright; they didn't get into a food fight this time, but Tayuya tried to set one of the twin's hair on fire just before lunch - he screeched worse than a pissed off cat-"

"That would be Sakon, then." Orochimaru pointed out unhelpfully as the thin fingers on his propped hand entwined in his own hair.

Jiraiya continued, ignoring the annoying, 'I know more than you' gleam in his lover's serpentine eyes, "Kidoumaru and Jirobo made cookies today. The kitchen looked like a bomb had gone off... Surprisingly, they were edible - weren't even burnt."

Orochimaru didn't look all that happy about that, glowering at him as though he'd just killed his pet. But how was Jiraiya supposed to watch _six_ kids? It wasn't his fault they knew how to use the oven! Who was the genius who thought that teaching _six year old kids _to use an oven was a good idea in the first place?! Certainly not he! Jiraiya liked his home. In tact, preferably.

"Ukon disappeared; 'took me half the day to find him..." He went on.

"Did he attach himself to your back again?"

Jiraiya huffed at Orochimaru's amused tone, his eyes sliding closed of their own accord, "_No_. He slept with Kimimaro for most of the day. I think he might be feeling a little sick - he looked paler than normal."

Orochimaru was frowning unattractively when he opened his eyes and looked at him. He looked worried - which meant he looked incredibly unhappy, with his elegant eyebrows pulled down at the centre of his forhead and his creepy eyes narrowed.

"We should get Tsunade to check him, and Sakon too. I know Ukon's stamina and immune system aren't up to standard..." The shorter man uttered, "It's most likely because he lives in Sakon when we're don't instruct him not to. His body is beginning to depend on Sakon's functions working for him. We may have to limit the time they spend combined."

Jiraiya blinked slowly, his eyes beginning to fall shut again, "Shouldn't Sakon be in the same condition?"

"No. Ukon lives inside Sakon mostly. Not the other way around. Ukon may have simply been born with a weaker immune system, but it's been worsened because of his conjoining with Sakon."

Jiraiya yawned, shifting so he could get under the squiggly line patterned sheets (they were a gift from Tsunade, who said she'd been given them for her birthda, but didn't need them), "Yeah. You can ask. Tsunade's pissed with me anyway. She thinks I've been conducting research near the hot springs again - with the kids nearby! What do you think I am; without morals?" Orochimaru lifted a brow, as though asking him if he really wanted that to be answered, "I start a week long mission tomorrow, anyway."

He heard Orochimaru hum in acknowledgement and struggled with a yawn, "How was your mission?"

"I am here, am I not?"

Jiraiya rolled over so he was facing Orochimaru, "Yeah, but come on! Give me some of the details! You were away for three days. You had to have done something to show off how _amazing _you are." Jiraiya paused, before he summoned his own scowl, "You didn't have to seduce anyone this time..."

"I haven't needed to _seduce_ anyone on a mission for a long time, Jiraiya." Orochimaru hissed softly, like an annoyed snake, his eyes closing slowly.

Why he was irritated, Jiraiya hadn't a clue, because he'd handled the news of Orochimaru's_ amazing _act rather well when he'd first heard it; He'd only had a little to drink afterwards, and he'd only planned to torture the guy in a way that wouldn't permenantly scar him. It was the Lord's fault anyway, for daring to pinch what was most definately his. Really, it was funny; Orochimaru had had to play all coy for some powerful, over-confident prick - yeah, it was an absolute _riot_.

Silence settled upon them, a blanket that both soothed and healed the tension that had permeated the air. Jiraiya found his tired eyes examining Orochimaru's face. The man looked beat, the undersides of his eyes having gained a dark tinge that was quite worrying - he probably hadn't slept well the entire time he was gone. His mouth had slackened into a lop sided frown, and slowly his dark brows rose to their original positions on his fair forehead.

Jiraiya couldn't help himself, he snuck forward like an elephant and wrapped his long, thick arms around Orochimaru, as the smaller man's right hand found his side, just below his rib cage. His hand snaked down Orochimaru's tensed back and patted his bum gently before sliding up again.

"I feel that I deserve some pampering," Jiraiya said suddenly as he pulled Orochimaru closer, so the man's head was resting against his bare chest, "Let's have sex."

"No."

Jiraiya had been expecting that (though there'd had been a shred of hope hanging in his chest when he'd first asked), and he didn't bother arguing; Orochimaru wouldn't budge when it came to the kids. And he was too tired to come up with a decent argument anyway, his brain's functions running on extremely slow.

A few moments passed without an utterance from each man, though the bed squeaked in time with their even breathing. Jiraiya kept his attentions going, as he rubbed insistantly between Orochimaru's shoulder blades, keen to work out the knocks as best he could from his position.

"Have you showered?"

Jiraiya rested his chin on the head tucked beneath it, "Too tired to. I'll have one in the morning."

"You're able to have sex, but are too tired to bathe?" Unsurprisingly, Orochimaru's tone didn't make him seem impressed.

Jiraiya snuck his arm beneath Orochimaru's head, "You're the one who groped my ass first."

He felt the slight shake of Orochimaru's head, and felt the hot breath leave the smaller man in the form of a small sigh. It tickled the hard planes of his chest, ghosting over a nipple (damned _tease_), as Orochimaru's body became nothing more than jello in Jiraiya's arms, "Go to sleep, Jiraiya. You have a mission tomorrow."

True... The white haired shinobi really didn't want to be sentenced to any punishment their sensei could think up (other than it most likely being extremely embarrassing, Jiraiya was sure Sarutobi-sensei would make sure it _hurt _this time), just because he'd arrived to his briefing an hour late, bleary eyed and smelling of sweat.

Jiraiya yawned, "Yeah, yeah... Turn off the light."

He did. Orochimaru's hand moved from where it was, warming his ribs, his thin arm tickling Jiraiya's side as Orochimaru stretched it in order to flick the light switch off. He found that it was somewhat creepy thinking about it.

They were smothered in darkness, the moon's light barely passing through the cream curtains Tsunade had (attempted) to make them (she'd wanted to try something new and had had sewing dropped in her lap - by who, they still didn't know). Jiraiya's hands halted, finding Orochimaru's slender neck and squeezable hip.

The white haired shinobi didn't hesitate to press his nose into his lover's hair (still slightly damp and smelling of cherries - the kids' preferred shampoo).

He yawned, "G'night."

"Good ni-"

There was a tiny knock, before the door slid open, revealing a small somebody and a whispering voice, "Orochimaru?"

Jiraiya's hold on the man tightened. He'd just got him back, for fuck's sake! Let him keep him for a bit!

Orochimaru shoved a knuckle into side, pushing himself away and up. Jiraiya's eyes opened so he could send a hateful glare at the child daring to take his warmer away from him.

"What is it Kidoumaru?" Orochimaru's patient voice slid from his lips easily, as though he'd been expecting this.

"I had a bad dream." He paused as he wandered to the bed, all six off his hands rubbing together, as though he were nervous, "Can I sleep with you?"

Oh, hell no. _Hell no_. Jiraiya's glare was as heated as the sun's during summer. This was his haven! His _bed_! Did Orochimaru not remember what they'd done here? Christened it in the most unholy fashion, is what! If he cared about the child he'd send him away!

Orochimaru successfully ignored his silent objections (as though it didn't take much effort either, that bastard!).

"Come here."

It was with the pushiness Jiraiya hated, that Orochimaru had him moved, so then he was spooning the snake shinobi, and Kidoumaru had himself plastered to Orochimaru's front. The kid was snoring softly moments later, as was Orochimaru and despite his annoyance, Jiraiya found his eyes drooping...

In the beginning, there'd been one. Three hours later, Jiriaya hadn't any bed to sleep on.

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**Woffy: **We'd done that to our Dad on more than one occasion... First I'd go in, then my brothers would soon follow, we'd curl up around mum and he'd be kicked off. I kind of feel sorry for him. XD Especially because he had work the next day (started at 6am, finished at 2am - it's no wonder why he was so grumpy).

Anyway... Since my Sound Family pic, I've come up with numerous scenarios as the kiddies grow. Unfortunately, I've been feeling far too lazy to draw them as the comics I pictured them as (rulers! Measuring! Ugh!). So I thought writing about them was the next best thing. I've definitely felt like doing that (though I do wish I had a spell checker). Perhaps I could make short, simple comics later, if I ever get out of this Naruto/Inuyasha art/fic slump I've been in? We'll see...

A few things:

- These will not go in chronological order - think of this as pulling out random photos from a box and remembering the circumstances around them.  
- All dates are made up. I didn't try to make them signifigant or anything of the sort.  
- My sense of direction and places are sketchy at best, feel free to correct me.  
- These won't be super long chapters/one-shot things, nor are they going to be worked on to the point where I'm completely happy with each of them. Just quick ones done in one or two nights, so then I may go to bed sane.  
- This is AU. So, no, nothing's going to really follow the original storyline.

Any critique and corrections will be taken to heart, and fixed whenever possible. So review, yes?

Thanks for reading! :D


	2. It's Just a Name

**Disclaimer:** Simply put... All the characters and the plot associated with the series belong to Masashi Kishimoto, and I make no money off this. The OCs, however, belong to me, as does whatever plot that shines through.

_Warnings: _Shounen ai, AU, OOCness (as I have limited knowledge on all of the characters involved - most of it's from other fanfiction and the tid bits I've read off wikipedia), swearing. Other than that, all spelling/grammatical errors are my own. If you spot any, mention them and I will fix them.

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**Parenthood: The Other Side**

**It's Just a Name**

Konaha's market was a hustle and bustle of eager merchants, pushy shoppers and mischievious children just itching to cause trouble. The village's main street was lined with stalls for all purposes, a delectable palette to wet the mouth of the pickiest of people: fruit, vegetables, meat, fish, pets, some game and quick food stalls... Orochimaru's temples were starting to ache with the onslaught of smells and noise.

Orochimaru found could barely turn around without bumping into a woman with her arms clasped around a few paper bags of vegetation (much like his own were), as though they were her newest offspring. He was sure that if it wasn't for his skills as a ninja, he would have definitely lost all of his shopping, if not squashed something with the collision (and really, tomato stains were extremely difficult to get out of one's clothes).

The Snake Sannin excused himself with a polite nod, earning a small smile from the young woman as she apologised as well. Orochimaru didn't wait to see her off before he'd turned back towards the small playground on the west side of the village, keen to get back to his children and get out of the claustrophobic crowd. It took longer than he liked to weave his way through the rapid stream of people clambering around him, only just managing to keep himself from the roofs of Konoha; they were only used for official ninja business, not if one wanted to get home quickly when shopping.

He felt mildy relieved when a set of swings bared themselves to his serpentine eyes, sticking up above people's heads like a buoy in an ocean.

The playground was a large rectanglular area, that held a sprinkling of play equipment that ranged from rope swings to wooden see-saws to long slides that caused a ruckus when used. There was also a small sand pit and two trees that overlooked the little ones as they investigated the climbing gym and monkey bars beneath them. All this was caged in by a shoulder height, steel fence that Jiraiya had remarked once was "appropriate for locking up little monsters".

The pale man eyed the equipment, examining each of the little busy bodies on each one. He soon found that unlike the other children (who seemed determined to fit on the tented netting at once), Orochimaru could see his lot loitering near the entrance to the playground.

The twins, as inseperable as they were, were sitting on the ground together with their sides pressed against each other snuggly, as Ukon watched Kimimaro practice the defensive stances he'd taught him a few days before. Sakon's attention was on Tayuya, who seemed to be picking at the boy maliciously as he traded heated words with her. Kidoumaru seemed content sitting as close to Jirobo as he could without touching him, perhaps hoping the larger boy's larger stature would deter the curious and probing stares he was getting from the other children and their parents.

It took Orochimaru a mere moment more to reach them.

"Have you all been behaving?" He asked as he knelt down beside them and placed his shopping on the ground. Orochimaru eyed each of them with an examining glance that was laced with a playfulness only his sensei and teammates had ever witnessed.

The kids nodded.

Sakon spoke as he suckled at his (deceased) mother's emerald green necklace, "Orochi-Mama, can we get something to eat?"

"Yeah, I'm hungry." Jirobo agreed immediately.

"You're always hungry, fatty."

Kidoumaru wrung his small hands, his dark eyes ricocheting around the area, "Don't be mean, Tayuya." He mumbled distractedly, whilst inching closer to Orochimaru, like a puppy creeping up on its master.

Orochimaru didn't attempt to deter the six armed boy, as he slowly pasted himself to his long legs. Kidoumaru had only been in Konoha for a few months, and - as expected - he wasn't used to stares that weren't smothered in ill content, though he must have felt that they were. To have caught so many people's attention would be near torturous for the boy, especially since all Kidoumaru seemed to want to do is sink into the ground.

He patted Kidoumaru's head, as he turned his eyes back on Sakon, "Perhaps if you all behave."

Promptly, Orochimaru sent a frigid warning glare at the little pink haired girl eyeing Sakon's pale grey hair intently. Tayuya scowled a scowl far too grim for a four year old in return, before turning her eyes to the ground and then to the other children in the playground.

Orochimaru recieved varying levels of enthusiasm and decibals from his own mob.

"Good," Orochimaru pulled several smaller packages from his paper shopping bags, "You'll be helping me carry this home."

The children didn't whinge much; though they did release minor moans of despair. They'd soon fallen into silence when Orochimaru mentioned their lunch. The man found a smug smile upon his attractive face whilst the kids accepted their goods eagerly, falling into line in front of him as he reached for his own load.

"Jirobo, be sure you don't drop that."

The boy nodded as hugged the bottle of cold milk clutched in his arms, "Yes, Orochi-Mama."

Orochimaru paused, the celery he'd had a hand on, hanging loosely in his grasp.

The Snake Sannin eyed his children, watching with mild interest as they socialised with each other.

Orochimaru hadn't had much social interaction as a child. He'd been orphaned early in his life - no doubt thanks to the war and his mother's weak body - and he hadn't had many friends whilst growing up. School had been filled with taunts and awe filled praise as he'd gone from 'the little girl-boy with freaky eyes' to 'the creepy genius' (his peers hadn't been the most creative individuals out there; Orochimaru had come to the conclusion that one of the reasons he'd been drawn to Jiraiya was his use of original and creative insults - until he was flustered enough).

However, it wasn't their ability to interact that had caught his eager attention. His eyes narrowed, forming bright gold strips that seemed to glow in the shadows of his face as he examined them all: That had been the second time one of his kids had called him 'Orochi-Mama' and within the past fifteen minutes too. Orochimaru's eyes swept over the children again like a tidal wave.

Orochimaru regarded himself as a patient man; he could take quite a few insults if it meant getting what he was doing done (Jiraiya, for example, was ignored on a daily basis). However, there was something unspeakably pride stabbing about being called, 'Orochi-_Mama_'. Because, even if he did pose as a woman during some missions; even if he had learnt what it meant to be a woman for those missions; even if he had looked like a pretty little girl when he was a child and then a teenager (though he was rather glad to find his face as become more angular as the years had gone by), and even though he'd let Jiraiya rant about his 'maternal instincts' without a fuss, Orochimaru was definitely not female.

The children, Orochimaru reasoned, wouldn't have meant to be slanderous in their name calling. And they most likely didn't realise how insulting their chosen nickname would be when repeated unconditionally. In fact, Orochimaru found himself frowning, he would have wagered they hadn't come up with the name to begin with. Each of the children was young, recently orphaned and wouldn't have known better than to call anyone but their own mothers by such a term. They would have felt guilty. Someone had to have put them up to it.

Orochimaru placed the celery in the bag, one question feeling like a block of lead in his head.

Standing up, Orochimaru hefted his bags into his arms, calling for their little troop to head off. The kids followed obediantly, Kimimaro first, the twins next, then Tayuya, Kidoumaru and finally Jirobo. They constantly reminded him of ducklings when they followed him like this.

The dark haired man silently fell back into his thoughts.

There were few suspects. Near no one within the ninja community knew him well enough to get away with insulting him, and Orochimaru knew that well. Many were frightened of him, and the stupid ones that weren't didn't see a point to degrading him when he hadn't done anything directly to them that was deserving of such treatment. That left five people.

Jiraiya would have been his first suspect, had he not been running around like a dog with a firey stick tied to its tail. Sarutobi-sensei had had him working on a particularly trying set of missions, all to do with an organisation Orochimaru wasn't allowed to know about. Whenever the white haired man wasn't on missions, he'd either been asleep or working on that accursed book he was so keen to create.

Even if Jiraiya had turned away from his work long enough to convinced the children of calling him something, the man's pride would have called for some sort of aknowledgement for the act. Considering he hadn't been prancing around like a stallion showing off during mating season, Orochimaru was sure Jiraiya was uncannily innocent.

His next suspect was based upon their name's alphabetical standing. Which meant Akeginu was next on his mental list.

Akeginu was the elderly lady that had raised him until he was deemed old enough to care for himself. She possessed stringy dark grey hair that wore flashes of silver, and light blue eyes that reminded the man of ice. She was kind, though cynical and far too much of a sticky beak for Orochimaru's liking (perhaps that was where he'd picked up his immense curiousity? Though Orochimaru was far better at steering away from what he was not his business to know).

The woman had caused him much strife over the years, from when he'd been a small child that barely reached her waist and she'd dressed him like a girl's doll, to the time she'd given him a sakura blossom hair clip as a present when he'd first gained the rank of Jounin (supposedly that had been his favourite hair clip whilst he was a baby, and she'd decided it'd make an interesting hand me down, despite Orochimaru's belief that she didn't have to do it in front of the huge crowd that had gathered outside the arena).

Either way, Akeginu would have been an excellent suspect, if only she'd had recent contact with the kids. Speaking of which... Orochimaru would need to take them to visit her soon, lest she come looking for him.

Anko was next and was wiped from his list promptly; aside from the fact that the newly created jounin was off on missions more than she wasn't, Orochimaru had forbade her from having contact with the children without Jiraiya, Tsunade or their sensei present. Considering Tsunade and the Hokage hadn't told him of any meeting, it was safe to say she hadn't met with "the brats".

Next was his sensei. It wasn't Sarutobi-sensei's style to use others to fight his own battles. And even if he'd had a problem with Orochimaru, he would have simply talked to him about it, or if worst came to worst, challenge him to a game of shogi he would most definitely lose. With this in mind, Orochimaru didn't hesitate to cross the Third Hokage from his list of suspects.

Which left Tsunade, his surrogate sister and best friend.

"Orochi-Mama, when we get home, are we allowed to have whatever we want?" The soft voice was near smothered by the racket around them.

Orochimaru's eyebrows furrowed. He didn't reply, the wheels in his head churning into overdrive. What had he done to Tsunade to warrant such an attack on his pride?

"Orochi-Mama?"

"Kimimaro," The slender man answered, his eyes never leaving the crowd, "Why are you all calling me that?"

The little boy's emerald eyes were big and innocent, so much so Orochimaru wouldn't have been surprised if they had rotted his teeth.

"Aunt Tsunade told us to call you that." Kimimaro said in a much quieter voice, as though he'd somehow known Orochimaru would be somewhat annoyed by it. The little boy glanced behind him, before walking beside the Snake Sannin as best he could without being knocked down, "You know how Sakon can't say 'ru'?"

Orochimaru nodded, his eyes flickering down to the little body shuffling beside him.

"Aunt Tsunade said he could call you Orochi-Mama, since it's nearly the same as your name and she said that the rest of us should too, that way Sakon doesn't feel stupid."

They took a sudden, sharp left, turning onto a much quieter street as Orochimaru considered the information. He could hear six set of feet pattering along the ground behind him, and the heated whispers of Sakon and Tayuya fighting again.

The Snake Sannin didn't know what to think about that. It seemed like one of the innocent gestures of kindness Tsunade was prone to, however... _'Orochi-Mama'_?

Who had inspired her enough to have her convince his children to call him that? Would someone have dared to, or was Tsunade really the only mastermind behind this surprisingly underhanded scheme? Perhaps this was the woman's way of supporting his adopting the children? She was odd like that. Perhaps because of that, this was like when she'd knocked Jiraiya through the local book store's wall (as though she'd been knocking over a flaccid doll), into the adult section (which had resulted in Jiraiya's buying of all the destroyed books and magazines; his 'research') after he'd told her he'd be publishing a smutty novel.

"Don't you like it?" Orochimaru blinked down at the leaf green, wide eyed boy peering up at him as though he were seeing him for the first time, "I'll tell everyone to stop."

Orochimaru didn't hesitate, "No," He said, as he shifted his bags to his left arm, "It's alright." Be it beyond his capabitity to give in to such a simple nickname... Pride be damned, he would turn this into something positive even if it took a while to get used to.

They circled a tall apartment building, it's dirty orange walls reflecting the midday sun blindingly. The marketplace was like a whisper in the background, as Orochimaru pushed the heavy set door open and held it there as the kids filed inside, the bell giggling idly as he nodded to the building's owner (a particularly grumpy man that had a penchant for alcohol not unlike Tsunade's).

The stairs creaked under their feet as they scaled them. Orochimaru fiddled with his keys as they clapped together, as though cheering on the children's valiant efforts. Behind him, the kids clambered up the stairs like a drunken herd, as they clung to their items and the stair's rail. Orochimaru frowned as he listened to Tayuya curse at the step that had made her stumble; he and Jiraiya needed to find another place; this one was terribly dangerous and cramped.

Orochimaru hipped the door open as he expertly stabbed keyhole. The hallway echoed with the stomping of a herd of children as they raced to put their load down. The Snake Sannin swore he heard a growling tummy as he started rifling through the crackling paper bags.

"You know where to put them. Hurry up and get a drink if you want one; we'll head out as soon as I'm done packing away the things that belong in the fridge."

There was a chorus of affirmitives, as they all crowded around the sink. They shared the same cup, passing it around as though they'd been doing it their whole lives, not just a few months.

They'd grow to be a strong unit. They'd beat Konoha's elite together, rising up to kick (as Jiraiya eloquently put it) 'major ass' when it came time for them to become chuunin, then jounin. They'd never be allowed to become ANBU, much like they'd never be accepted into Konoha's ninja school, however he'd train them like they were his own. He'd make them strong. With Jiraiya, Tsunade and his sensei's help, of course.

"Orochi-Mama, I know Kabuto's not here but could we get some dango?" Kidoumaru seemed far more comfortable now that he was out of the way of wary, curious eyes. His own dark eyes bright as he tugged on Orochimaru's pants leg.

"No! You know Ukon doesn't like it!" Sakon tugged at one of Kidoumaru's right arms, "We're having gyoza!"

Tayuya threw her two ryo into the argument, "You idiot, we don't like gyoza! Let's have barbequed food!"

"I want something sweet." Kimimaro said quietly, his small voice cutting through Sakon's oncoming tirade, "Can we have ice-cream, Orochi-Mama?"

Orochimaru smirked, "After we eat. And considering you all can't decide without insulting each other, Jirobo will choose what we'll eat." He closed the fridge door with a slight _fwump_ sound and the sharp jingling of glass bottles and jars.

Jirobo seemed struck dumb from the obvious attention his words had warrented him. Orochimaru's being rung with a rather addicting, sadistic glee, as Jirobo squirmed where he stood.

"Um," The young boy ran his small, slightly pudgy hand through his orange hair, "Can't we go to a place that sells everything we want?"

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"How'd you like the new nickname?" He could hear Tsunade's smirk as she sat down beside him, a small sake cup in her hand.

"It is rather befitting, I suppose," Orochimaru replied, his golden eyes never leaving his mob as they ordered their dinners (the unsuspecting fool who'd been made to take their order looked exhausted and rattled), "I'm sure Jiraiya will find it terribly amusing."

The restaurant wasn't at all fancy - it was the perfect place for families. Inexpensive and quite tolerant of the racket a child or a group of children made when they were either whinging, bawling or simply so excited they _had _to screech at the top of their lungs. Orochimaru was very close to kunai-ing the monster sitting to his left (he hadn't shut up since he'd arrived), or perhaps his parents for ignoring the child's shameful behavior.

The woman huffed in obvious amusement, sipping on her beverage, "I can make it go away." She eyed him, "If you tell me where you've hidden them."

Orochimaru barely blinked, "Tsunade, what on Earth makes you think I know where _they _are? I was fairly certain sensei had confiscated them all."

"Don't play coy with me, I _know _you took them! It's my last one!" Her hisses delved into a whisper, the smug gleam in her eyes having taken a poisonous air, "Where the hell did you put my sake?"

"What could have possibly made you think it was me?"

"_You're _the _only _one that would have gotten passed my slugs and somehow convinced them to not tell me."

Orochimaru smirked, thoroughly entertained. Aside from her current circumstances dealing with her missing sake, Orochimaru still found it amusing that the boys barely old enough to know what a bra was for, had made it a challenge of sorts to steal Tsunade's, hence the slugs.

Tsunade snorted, "I'll just have to encourage the kids to continue calling you what they have, won't I, _Orochi-Mama_?"

Orochimaru gave a simple shrug, "It is rather endearing. They haven't known me for very long; it brings a tear to my eye to know they think me worthy enough to be called such." His tone dripped with exaggerated appreciation, as his eyes slipped closed. Normally, such games would be left to his lover, however, this was a good thing and Orochimaru _was _beginning to feel an appreciation for being called such.

When his eyes opened, he found the kids on their way back to the table he was minding with his and their own food. Tayuya and Sakon seemed to be squabbling (again - Orochimaru could an unnessarsarily dramatic love affair in their future). Jirobo seemed stuck between his steaming bowl of ramen and making sure the two of them didn't raise their fists and feet at each other. Kidoumaru was picking at his mild curry, grinning whilst (again), sticking close to Jirobo. Ukon seemed keen to ignore his brother's antics and he and Kimimaro carried the plates of dumplings they'd ordered for themselves and Orochimaru.

He sat up in his seat, motioning to the already crowded table, "Would you like to join us?" He swiped the lilac vase from the centre of the table, careful that the daffodils didn't fall out, or the water slosh around, placing it under his seat as the children arrived.

Tsunade simply let out a huge huff, glared heatedly and stomped off, the floor shaking under their feet as she did. Orochimaru let him smirk, satisfied with his work.

* * *

**Woffy: **Oh, Orochi-Mama! I loves you! I don't care if you're sadistic and rather creepy some times!

I had a bit of trouble getting this from my head to paper - or the screen, as the case is. It was there, but you know... Refused to budge. Anyway... I've changed my mind; these will be in chronological order. As best as I can make them. If I find it impossible to continue, I'll let you know.

Oh, and before anyone asks, the reason why I made it that the kiddies wouldn't be able to be ANBU or go to school is because Konoha doesn't allow foreigners to become ANBU, and a family/child has to live in Konoha for a selected amount of time before their children can be allowed into school (I'm thinkin' something like five years). Call it a precaution, in case a kid's a highly skilled jounin in disguise - or something like that. XD

Now, please leave a review! I'll appreciate any comments (good or bad, long or short).


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